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Parenting is not an easy feet

2012-01-29T17:57:00.000-08:00

So I haven't blogged in quite some time but i really do wish to get into it, even simply keep track of what went on in my life a few years down the line.

Recently, it's been a battle between good and rough times mixed in a lovely pudding blend. As I've mentioned before I have moved on into a new school and career path which I would have wanted to follow long ago but this has not been easy, I've experienced the first semester so far at boy was it challenging! I can't complain because it is what I want to do for the rest of my life so I'm ready to bare with it. Tomorrow I will be starting my subsidiary in textiles which I'm quite frankly terrified of since I don't have the SLIGHTEST clue what to do, but everyone is entitled to learning I guess. I finished my first term of presentations and final projects which was quite nerve wrecking since I never had to do it before but quickly got the hang of it. Then it was over and I was relieved. Then it was followed by a week of freedom/Progress Week, which is a week entitled to community service whereby each student was allotted a school to paint in and Francesca and I created a painting of Winnie the Pooh on a board: shown below:

painted Winnie the Pooh board

After this was finished I had a week of to pull myself together for the upcoming semester where I could get everything in order and sort myself out in preparation of the madness ahead. THIS is where everything that could have gone wrong.did. This seems like it will be a long windy uninteresting story for the rest of the world, but will remind me of a lot in the future.

This week "off" was hard for me. Harder then most weeks have ever been. A LOT was placed on my plate, basically Gian was in the middle of exams leaving me unable to contact him and talk whenever I felt slightly upset/lonely/or just wanted a plane chat. He was mostly my shoulder to lean on and laugh a little when I didn't really feel like doing much else, but I didn't really have that there any more, because he had his own stressful exams to deal with, and I don't blame him. in the mean time my father had been saying a few pretty mean comments which threw me off the edge, and its officially been a week since we've spoken to each other.

My parent's fought quite badly, and even though this had happened in the past as it does to many couples, this time it was different. This time the whole family was involved in his anger and it was hurtful way beyond what I could normally deem 'acceptable'. He specifically said the words "I dread coming home", "din mhix hajja", "imdejjaq sal ponta ta zob.." which hurt me more than i ever expected words like that to come out of HIS mouth to hurt, because i understand he has a short temper, and I understand he says things without thinking but I simply could not let this one pass no matter how much i tried to tell myself it was ok and was angry. Something told me it was not right that he was talking about his family in that manner while screaming at the very top of his lungs. It sounded very sincere and he has, up until this point, still not apologised for what he said, actually, he thinks its OK not to speak to me and act as if I'M the one in the wrong, but I'm not about to take it!

There are so many things i would like to tell him about parenting and being a good parent and respect but I know he would simply not understand, and for however harsh this post may seem about him, he does have great qualities such as he is successful and has built a house ans bank account from scratch but what he fails to understand is that this alone does not make you a good parent, it's understanding, love and respect along with communication that do. I hear him say things to my mother which I would NEVER want to be heard said to me in any circumstance whatsoever, accepting those words, however, is her prerogative. I just feel like I shouldn't be subjected to listening to them because he shouldn't say them in the first place. One instance is in which my mother tried her best to cook soup all morning, specifically the ones he likes, using the ingredients he likes, and the consistency which he likes, which is fine and normal I suppose since she aims to please, the part which i could not understand was that as soon as the plate was placed in front of him, his words where "Ma stajtx sajjartu seigha qabel ha jilhaq jibred???" as opposed to: "Grazzi" it brings me to wonder what on earth gives him the right to tell her these things on a DAILY and she not being able to tell him otherwise.. As i said, accepting those words is HER prerogative but I don't thing I should be subjected to it as often as I am.

There are SOO many things I wish I could tell him and I wish they could be received in a mature, understanding manner as opposed to the usual bursts of screaming in response to every argument. The positive thing i may pull out of this is that I will learn to be the best parent I can be with my children, and prove myself capable to MYSELF that i am worthy of a good family and I do love coming home to my children and husband. Moral of the story for me is: Parenting is NOT about money.

So since moving out has been a MAJOR wishlist item this week, I will post a picture of a house since there is nothing that could be more valuable to me at this moment in time than a house. I specify, not a HOME, because you BUILD a home with love and caring people, and I feel lost and my vision has been blared slightly of what is acceptable and what is not within one, but i will build mine one day, and it will be a home to me and my family.

P.S. something i could not go by without mentioning is, the most important thing in my life is my mother. I get emotional simply mentioning it but she is truly the person I live for, the person that makes my days better and the person i can never be mad at for more than a few hours. She makes me laugh more than anything in the world and most of all she is ALWAYS there for me when i need her! Mum's should learn a thing or two from her and I hope to be a Quarter of the mum she is to me.

I cry one more time this week.
Happy New Year

Taking the reins?

2011-05-07T20:56:00.000-07:00

So exactly two weeks have passed since i last posted..

I guess it would be appropriate to start this blog by wishing a Happy Mothers day to all mothers out there or mothers to be, in particular my own. Even though it should be your day all year round; it's an extra opportunity to receive a gift or hug, why not?

These past two weeks have been THE most hectic two weeks in quite some time actually! I have started my second attempt of A-levels and they last form the 3rd - 12th of May, meaning next Thursday; my misery will be over and i can resume to the lazy life. I wish.

Well to cut a long story short, or should I? I might as well say the long version...
Growing up I have always loved drawing, painting, art and everything to do with designing or creating something. Be it on the walls at home or designing my own bedroom. It has always been a prime passion of mine. Now, here's the catch- I don't paint, I don't draw, i don't design OR do ANY sort of artistic exercise WHATSOEVER. ever. Yes sad story, I've studied languages (namely English & Italian) for three years of my life now, hoping to one day wake up and say, yes i like what i'm doing and I want to spend the rest of my life doing this. Yeah right.....

Basically 4 days ago, i looked up at the ceiling (melodramatic, i know) and said God, I cannot take this anymore please help me. I cried myself to sleep most days for the past three years hoping and praying that everything will be OK, and i will one day be able to please my father, who so thoroughly believes in me going to University and achieving a Degree in Law. Not the case....
This particular night, tears could not stop flowing down my cheeks, and i could not cry myself to sleep like i did other days, this time i was determined to find the root of it, which very predictably was not dug too deep, instantly my heart screamed out to me INTERIOR DESIGN, but i could not believe it. The thing i feared the most out of all things in the world was about to happen. I was thinking of changing path.
Presumably this heart wrenching fear of changing path comes from my very indecisive brother, considering he has changed his career path countless of times in the past; I always hoped i would never have to go through that. But my day has come.

Consciously I am walking into a decision which will not be easy, but finally, i can say it's my own- and it's what i want! Telling my father will be nothing but catastrophic but it's something that needs to happen! Hopefully he will not chop my head off (yeah right wishful thinking!) and that one day he can accept me for what i am and for the happiness I would like to achieve, hopefully I will be able to chase my dreams with confidence and along side me, both my mother's and father's support to back me up.

I would like to achieve a Bachelor of Arts (Honours) Degree and successfully become an Interior Designer.

Wow, writing that sentence was like therapy! Fingers completely crossed that all turns out for the better! My dad will understand eventually. I pray.

-Believe in yourself, hard work pays off!
Good day xxx

Wishlist item of the past two weeks!! (i haven't been able to get my hands on a pair of them, I'm trying to though!) haha yes another pair of shoes!!

or maybe these?:

The beginning to procrastination?

2011-04-24T16:15:00.000-07:00

Writing a blog has been a controversial aspect of my life lately, blogging has always been something I wanted to do, but why? So people can read my nonsense? Certainly not. For me to express my feelings, which will change the worlds outlook on life? Most definitely not. For me to have an outlet in which I may freely express my contemplations and usual useless or useful deliberations which life faces me with daily? Close. For me to attempt to finish something I start? Probably!

I must admit the aspect of me writing something which one other person is capable of reading is intriguing even though, I highly doubt anything I write here will be interesting to anyone at all, but you know; at least I could let it out to please my conscience and feed the little nugget of thought that runs through my brain.

Today was Easter Sunday (those two words being a controversial subject alone) I use the term “was” as the day is nearing its end, and whoever wanted to celebrate Gods resurrection, is probably done eating his way through it by now. Happy Easter for those who celebrate it and Happy Sunday for those you are agnostic.

This blog will, in essence, be written to myself. Whereby I may look back and read a virtual diary of my thoughts and perhaps daily drivel, naturally if I keep up what I intend to start.

I guess I had to give up to the conformity to mainstream society and jump on the band wagon, even though, it is, a few decades too late…

Welcome to the world of blogging.

(Welcoming myself of course)

- Believe in yourself, hard work pays off.

Good day! X

Wish list item of the day (for however materialistic this may sound on the the day of Jesus' resurrection) :